2008 is supposed to be great...but as I jump into the thick of my 25th year, I am not so sure predictions were right. I had made all these proclamations that this year was going to be my year and that everything was going to fall into place. But rather than thriving I feel as though I am only surviving. I guess I could sit here and blame the economy, my family, my friends, my job, too little time or too much to do, whatever the excuse the reality remains. The reality is that I have displacing my feelings and ignoring them, which has led to ignoring so much more in my life. I have neglected my family, friends, God, and ME! I think I have forgotten how to take of myself. I feel so far removed from who I am that I am afraid that I have lost some of who I am. Maybe I haven't lost anything...maybe this is just a season marked by tribulations. TRIBULATIONS SUCK, but they are shaping of my character, at least I hope.
Where I fall short and weak, I know and trust(sometimes) that my creator will step in and fill the void...if I allow him(I guess that is the key). Here's to a tough season, but one that isn't without its great moments.
Blog to later...and hopeful for a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ashley
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
...livin the dream...and all that it entails!
The day began at 6:10 am, groggy and not so eager to drag myself out of bed, I crept into the kitchen started the coffee. As I began the day the only place I wanted to be was back in my bed, but I sucked it up and began my morning travel to school to take my third anatomy and physiology test. The morning had this gloom and doom feel to it, I felt slightly unprepared and nervous, but I had to git 'er done. As the test finished I really didn't have any feeling about it, other than it was done. As the day progressed it seemed to start to resemble the bright sun that was beating down on it, I was laughing in class and had plans to ride some rollercoasters. As I sit here and process the day and my summer I wonder where the time has gone. From that story I will quickly move into why I feel like I am living the dream.
Welp...here it goes...this summer I have spent my time playing softball friday nights, tuesday and thursday mornings in anatomy and physiology class(argh), afternoons by the pool, happy hour with friends, random weekends celebrating wedding nuptials, dinners with mom, tennis with dad, moving into the most baller apartment(with the most amazing friend), holidays in the mountains with lots o laughter, building friendships with people who make me laugh and think, and filling in the rest of the time with work(which I actually enjoy). As I look back at the great moments and the bad moments, I have to say that the great moments have blown away the bad. I realized that I worry more than I thought...which is very apparent in my body...which is wound so tight that my muscles hurt. I wish that I could trust that everything will work out, but I am lacking that thing that allows me to let "it" go. What "it" is changes most days, and "it" becomes stuff that I ignore and then it builds upon itself and eventually becomes overwhelming. Soooooo, in writing this blog I have realized that I have drifted from the core of who I am that allows me to have the ability to have perspective. Funny how writing things out can allow you to have an "a-ha" moment. I am hoping that my "a-ha" moment leads to a pursuit of the things that allow me to be free of the crap that I let get me down.
Despite the ending of this utterly too long blog....I am living the dream, just slightly interrupted by waking moments drenched in reality...but reality is good...it keeps us aware of our needs.
blog to you later,
Ashley
Welp...here it goes...this summer I have spent my time playing softball friday nights, tuesday and thursday mornings in anatomy and physiology class(argh), afternoons by the pool, happy hour with friends, random weekends celebrating wedding nuptials, dinners with mom, tennis with dad, moving into the most baller apartment(with the most amazing friend), holidays in the mountains with lots o laughter, building friendships with people who make me laugh and think, and filling in the rest of the time with work(which I actually enjoy). As I look back at the great moments and the bad moments, I have to say that the great moments have blown away the bad. I realized that I worry more than I thought...which is very apparent in my body...which is wound so tight that my muscles hurt. I wish that I could trust that everything will work out, but I am lacking that thing that allows me to let "it" go. What "it" is changes most days, and "it" becomes stuff that I ignore and then it builds upon itself and eventually becomes overwhelming. Soooooo, in writing this blog I have realized that I have drifted from the core of who I am that allows me to have the ability to have perspective. Funny how writing things out can allow you to have an "a-ha" moment. I am hoping that my "a-ha" moment leads to a pursuit of the things that allow me to be free of the crap that I let get me down.
Despite the ending of this utterly too long blog....I am living the dream, just slightly interrupted by waking moments drenched in reality...but reality is good...it keeps us aware of our needs.
blog to you later,
Ashley
Monday, July 7, 2008
Sorry for being lame....
Hey there party people...due to the chaos of life I have not been on my A-game recently. I have been giving over to my newest addiction...FELICITY, the t.v. show. To give you some scope and depth of my addiction I will tell you that on Saturday I stayed up until 6:30 am on Sunday watching my beloved characters. I have since limited my viewing...to what I haven't decided, but I cannot let this situation get any worse.
In other news, I had a most fabulous Fourth of July. I went up to Estes Park with some friends and hiked for a good 5 hours(I will divulge the particulars of that event in a moment), then we ate some grub and then watched some fireworks over Lake Estes. All in all, a most hilarious time. For those of you who know me well, you know that I love being outdoors and doing various activities but hiking is at the bottom. I do love being in nature and everything that it has to offer, but you would never know that by the way I act in it. Our hike was entirely too long for me to be doing after not hiking at all since last summer. I got charlie horses in both my calves, multiple times...leading to cramping in other muscles in my legs. To say the least my body hates me right now. And to top is off I almost fell off a rock because my legs cramped up mid climb...Tyler was a great help, he mostly just laughed. I loved the trip alot but I must apologize to my friends, whom had to wait for my slow ass to get up that mountain...Sorry:(
In other news, I have moved and I am super duper excited about it. I live on Corona, but basically speer and downing. We overlook the Denver Country Club golf course and have too much space. My new roommie(who happens to be a blogger too) is great. We have a lot in common and I see our future friendship going very well.
I am currently about to get ready for work,but I am going to try and blog more than once a month. Blog to you later.
Peace, love and sore legs,
Ash
In other news, I had a most fabulous Fourth of July. I went up to Estes Park with some friends and hiked for a good 5 hours(I will divulge the particulars of that event in a moment), then we ate some grub and then watched some fireworks over Lake Estes. All in all, a most hilarious time. For those of you who know me well, you know that I love being outdoors and doing various activities but hiking is at the bottom. I do love being in nature and everything that it has to offer, but you would never know that by the way I act in it. Our hike was entirely too long for me to be doing after not hiking at all since last summer. I got charlie horses in both my calves, multiple times...leading to cramping in other muscles in my legs. To say the least my body hates me right now. And to top is off I almost fell off a rock because my legs cramped up mid climb...Tyler was a great help, he mostly just laughed. I loved the trip alot but I must apologize to my friends, whom had to wait for my slow ass to get up that mountain...Sorry:(
In other news, I have moved and I am super duper excited about it. I live on Corona, but basically speer and downing. We overlook the Denver Country Club golf course and have too much space. My new roommie(who happens to be a blogger too) is great. We have a lot in common and I see our future friendship going very well.
I am currently about to get ready for work,but I am going to try and blog more than once a month. Blog to you later.
Peace, love and sore legs,
Ash
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Glass...half full or half empty
Welcome back...I say this more to myself rather than to y'all out in thee blog-o-sphere. The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind, and I find myself with plenty of time to reflect and yes, to blog. In the past weeks I have done so much and it is hard to say everything, but suffice it to say have had a ton of fun and learned a lot. These past few days I have been pondering whether or not I view my world as "half full" or "half empty". I think I portray a person who thinks life is half full, but in reality I think that I waver from that mentality.
This past weekend I was in my cousins wedding(which was a cup over floweth situation) and a person told me that I appeared to be filled up. When I heard that my first response was one of gratitude, the next response was of doubt. The doubt comes from some of the deepest parts of my heart, but I am thankful that the fullness that is my life shined through. When I think about my life, to be honest, I think that I am hugely blessed in most any situation. My family, friends and faith continue to show me that life is so intentional and full of wonder and so much more than I will ever know, but....moments of doubt steal some of the fullness. I wonder if despite the fact that I may or may not feel full, if God, my creator decides regardless of how I feel, that he will reveal Himself through the fullness of my life. Despite the disconnect, does God somehow know that we need Him to be bigger than us. When a person tells me that I am full, glowing, or any other word to describe an inner hapiness I am reminded that I am. So, I am thankful to the person who was able to see in me what I at times lack. I am also reminded that we are part of something so much bigger than I can wrap my head around and that roles that we play in each others lives are significant....even if it moments or a lifetime. So to those whom play role in my life daily...thank you, and those who play a role for a day...thank you. My journey as a young woman unfolds with simplicity and significance and my hope is that I can continue to journey with intention and grace.
As I look back what I wrote to correct any errors, I realize that this blog will have moments of extreme silliness and moments of truth and honesty...hope that doesn't bother you.
Thanks for reading,
Ashley
This past weekend I was in my cousins wedding(which was a cup over floweth situation) and a person told me that I appeared to be filled up. When I heard that my first response was one of gratitude, the next response was of doubt. The doubt comes from some of the deepest parts of my heart, but I am thankful that the fullness that is my life shined through. When I think about my life, to be honest, I think that I am hugely blessed in most any situation. My family, friends and faith continue to show me that life is so intentional and full of wonder and so much more than I will ever know, but....moments of doubt steal some of the fullness. I wonder if despite the fact that I may or may not feel full, if God, my creator decides regardless of how I feel, that he will reveal Himself through the fullness of my life. Despite the disconnect, does God somehow know that we need Him to be bigger than us. When a person tells me that I am full, glowing, or any other word to describe an inner hapiness I am reminded that I am. So, I am thankful to the person who was able to see in me what I at times lack. I am also reminded that we are part of something so much bigger than I can wrap my head around and that roles that we play in each others lives are significant....even if it moments or a lifetime. So to those whom play role in my life daily...thank you, and those who play a role for a day...thank you. My journey as a young woman unfolds with simplicity and significance and my hope is that I can continue to journey with intention and grace.
As I look back what I wrote to correct any errors, I realize that this blog will have moments of extreme silliness and moments of truth and honesty...hope that doesn't bother you.
Thanks for reading,
Ashley
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Hills...reality or fake?
Good day friends,
I am fresh back a long weekend in the City of Angels. I went out to watch my younger brother graduate from Pepperdine University(woop, woop!) Anywho....moving on, Southern California is quite a place, I thought I would walk away unscathed but no such luck. The graduation itself was pleasant at a glance but beneath the layers make up, arrongance and money there about as many versions of Lauren Conrad and Spencer Pratts as there are versions of cells phones. Don't take this wrong way, I was super duper excited to see my brother graduate from an amazing school, but I was blown away with how much fakeness prevaded that field. I wish I could say that I was beyond all the hoopla, but even a grounded indivdual as myself got caught up in the reality that is SoCal. Most moments I would say that kind of life is shallow and imperfect, but then there are those moments when I get caught and wish that my life could be like that. Those moments are mostly reserved for when I think material and worldly things are going to complete me. I know of only a few things that have brought me true happiness and to be honest none of those moments inlcuded anything material.
And since it as taken so long for me to post this I have completely forgotton my train of thought. As I look back it seems as though I was on a roll, I guess you can't stop the money train once you get it going.
Blog to you later....most likely when my life stops being a crazy train of schoolwork.
Ashley
I am fresh back a long weekend in the City of Angels. I went out to watch my younger brother graduate from Pepperdine University(woop, woop!) Anywho....moving on, Southern California is quite a place, I thought I would walk away unscathed but no such luck. The graduation itself was pleasant at a glance but beneath the layers make up, arrongance and money there about as many versions of Lauren Conrad and Spencer Pratts as there are versions of cells phones. Don't take this wrong way, I was super duper excited to see my brother graduate from an amazing school, but I was blown away with how much fakeness prevaded that field. I wish I could say that I was beyond all the hoopla, but even a grounded indivdual as myself got caught up in the reality that is SoCal. Most moments I would say that kind of life is shallow and imperfect, but then there are those moments when I get caught and wish that my life could be like that. Those moments are mostly reserved for when I think material and worldly things are going to complete me. I know of only a few things that have brought me true happiness and to be honest none of those moments inlcuded anything material.
And since it as taken so long for me to post this I have completely forgotton my train of thought. As I look back it seems as though I was on a roll, I guess you can't stop the money train once you get it going.
Blog to you later....most likely when my life stops being a crazy train of schoolwork.
Ashley
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Why are Aliens heads so big?...
Well Folks, the mystery has been soloved...aliens heads are bigger than ours because they have a condition called hydrocephalitis. If you are a little confused, well so was I. I was in my Anatomy and Physiology class and the conversation started to circle around the condition hydrocephalitis, which is water in the brain and causes the head to enlarge. Typical conversation till one of the other students legitimately asks "Is that why aliens heads are so big?". WHAT?(the first thought in my head) The professor casually replies that he has never encountered an alien...um, righty oh, no one else has either. I about peed my pants at the ridiculous thought. Suffice it to say that was the kick off to a busy but rad weekend.
I wish I could say that my weekend surrounded around me laying by the pool and catching some righteous rays, but I spent a significant amount of time at work. But I was able to make some time for socializing, spent time with friends and enjoyed the elements of an outside patio. Overall, a great weekend, but I am real tired tonight.
As much as I think that the "alien" comment was silly, I also think that there are many things that I say or believe that other would find very silly. Shoot, there are things that I say that I think are very silly...one example would be "Man, I wish I was a smoker so that I can go hit on that guy out there." Actual commentary from my weekend, can we all say ridiculous? Sooooo, I guess the lesson that I learned is, I can't really pass judgement on others, unless I am willing look at me.
Till next time bloggers,
Ashley
I wish I could say that my weekend surrounded around me laying by the pool and catching some righteous rays, but I spent a significant amount of time at work. But I was able to make some time for socializing, spent time with friends and enjoyed the elements of an outside patio. Overall, a great weekend, but I am real tired tonight.
As much as I think that the "alien" comment was silly, I also think that there are many things that I say or believe that other would find very silly. Shoot, there are things that I say that I think are very silly...one example would be "Man, I wish I was a smoker so that I can go hit on that guy out there." Actual commentary from my weekend, can we all say ridiculous? Sooooo, I guess the lesson that I learned is, I can't really pass judgement on others, unless I am willing look at me.
Till next time bloggers,
Ashley
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Patience is a virtue...
Sooooo, this is my first stab at a BLOG, OMG, I might not be the most savvy with for a while, but I am going to do my best.
The reason for it all...
I feel as though I have a lot to say and a lot to say it to, so to make it easier for me(I know, sounds selfish, but so true) I have created a blog. So I am here to get my blog on and I hope that it is inspirational, thought provoking, humorous, chance to connect, and informational.
Thanks for coming and reading, blog to you later.
Ashley
The reason for it all...
I feel as though I have a lot to say and a lot to say it to, so to make it easier for me(I know, sounds selfish, but so true) I have created a blog. So I am here to get my blog on and I hope that it is inspirational, thought provoking, humorous, chance to connect, and informational.
Thanks for coming and reading, blog to you later.
Ashley
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