My life always seems to be in a constant restart, whether it comes to relationships, work or personal goals, I feel as though I am rarely progressing but rather hitting the refresh button. After sitting at my computer for entirely too long and facestalking, blog hopping and reading the news, I have realized I have gotten myself into this cycle of blah. I start something new and I get real excited about it and then eventually I fail to continue with the project, relationship, job or goal. WTF, more importantly, what is wrong with me? I have been a person who has made a majority of decisions based upon fear. Fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of what others think, fear of success. Who in their right mind fears success...I do, because then the expectations are that you will do bigger and better. And well, let's be honest, bigger and better is a lot of hard work, when there are so many happy hours and social situations that need to be attended. I think I have pretty much summed up my generations issues, we want it ALL, but do I really need to work that hard to get it? YES, you dummy. So how do I get it all without sacrificing all the things that I have. That's the rub. Then I think about it and I still crave to make my mark in this world and in peoples lives, however, I am completely at a loss for what that should be, or how I should even get started. I have contemplated many options, all of which include me drinking massive amounts wine and binging on of lots of cheese and bread. When I think about the things that I love and the things that I am good at, I get a little frustrated because there are not many jobs or life plans that include being a wino teacher traveler blogger fashionista dancer. If you see any jobs with those listings included...holler at me. I also know that I don't have to find a job that is all those things, but I would like to find one that allows me to pursue those interests....plus the million more that I have swimming and brimming over the edge of my mind.
I am not going to make any plans for now, I need to chew on this for a moment. But I thought I would let you in a bit. And also I am calling on all of you to help me to figure out what the world needs(or what you need) and how I can fill that need.
I do, however, look forward to many more years of misadventures.
Till next time...just hit refresh,
APK
