Wednesday, July 23, 2008

On the Brink of Breakdown.....

2008 is supposed to be great...but as I jump into the thick of my 25th year, I am not so sure predictions were right. I had made all these proclamations that this year was going to be my year and that everything was going to fall into place. But rather than thriving I feel as though I am only surviving. I guess I could sit here and blame the economy, my family, my friends, my job, too little time or too much to do, whatever the excuse the reality remains. The reality is that I have displacing my feelings and ignoring them, which has led to ignoring so much more in my life. I have neglected my family, friends, God, and ME! I think I have forgotten how to take of myself. I feel so far removed from who I am that I am afraid that I have lost some of who I am. Maybe I haven't lost anything...maybe this is just a season marked by tribulations. TRIBULATIONS SUCK, but they are shaping of my character, at least I hope.

Where I fall short and weak, I know and trust(sometimes) that my creator will step in and fill the void...if I allow him(I guess that is the key). Here's to a tough season, but one that isn't without its great moments.

Blog to later...and hopeful for a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

...livin the dream...and all that it entails!

The day began at 6:10 am, groggy and not so eager to drag myself out of bed, I crept into the kitchen started the coffee. As I began the day the only place I wanted to be was back in my bed, but I sucked it up and began my morning travel to school to take my third anatomy and physiology test. The morning had this gloom and doom feel to it, I felt slightly unprepared and nervous, but I had to git 'er done. As the test finished I really didn't have any feeling about it, other than it was done. As the day progressed it seemed to start to resemble the bright sun that was beating down on it, I was laughing in class and had plans to ride some rollercoasters. As I sit here and process the day and my summer I wonder where the time has gone. From that story I will quickly move into why I feel like I am living the dream. it goes...this summer I have spent my time playing softball friday nights, tuesday and thursday mornings in anatomy and physiology class(argh), afternoons by the pool, happy hour with friends, random weekends celebrating wedding nuptials, dinners with mom, tennis with dad, moving into the most baller apartment(with the most amazing friend), holidays in the mountains with lots o laughter, building friendships with people who make me laugh and think, and filling in the rest of the time with work(which I actually enjoy). As I look back at the great moments and the bad moments, I have to say that the great moments have blown away the bad. I realized that I worry more than I thought...which is very apparent in my body...which is wound so tight that my muscles hurt. I wish that I could trust that everything will work out, but I am lacking that thing that allows me to let "it" go. What "it" is changes most days, and "it" becomes stuff that I ignore and then it builds upon itself and eventually becomes overwhelming. Soooooo, in writing this blog I have realized that I have drifted from the core of who I am that allows me to have the ability to have perspective. Funny how writing things out can allow you to have an "a-ha" moment. I am hoping that my "a-ha" moment leads to a pursuit of the things that allow me to be free of the crap that I let get me down.

Despite the ending of this utterly too long blog....I am living the dream, just slightly interrupted by waking moments drenched in reality...but reality is keeps us aware of our needs.

blog to you later,

Monday, July 7, 2008

Sorry for being lame....

Hey there party people...due to the chaos of life I have not been on my A-game recently. I have been giving over to my newest addiction...FELICITY, the t.v. show. To give you some scope and depth of my addiction I will tell you that on Saturday I stayed up until 6:30 am on Sunday watching my beloved characters. I have since limited my what I haven't decided, but I cannot let this situation get any worse.

In other news, I had a most fabulous Fourth of July. I went up to Estes Park with some friends and hiked for a good 5 hours(I will divulge the particulars of that event in a moment), then we ate some grub and then watched some fireworks over Lake Estes. All in all, a most hilarious time. For those of you who know me well, you know that I love being outdoors and doing various activities but hiking is at the bottom. I do love being in nature and everything that it has to offer, but you would never know that by the way I act in it. Our hike was entirely too long for me to be doing after not hiking at all since last summer. I got charlie horses in both my calves, multiple times...leading to cramping in other muscles in my legs. To say the least my body hates me right now. And to top is off I almost fell off a rock because my legs cramped up mid climb...Tyler was a great help, he mostly just laughed. I loved the trip alot but I must apologize to my friends, whom had to wait for my slow ass to get up that mountain...Sorry:(

In other news, I have moved and I am super duper excited about it. I live on Corona, but basically speer and downing. We overlook the Denver Country Club golf course and have too much space. My new roommie(who happens to be a blogger too) is great. We have a lot in common and I see our future friendship going very well.

I am currently about to get ready for work,but I am going to try and blog more than once a month. Blog to you later.

Peace, love and sore legs,