Love...you figure it out

Today has been a day filled with sleep, movie watching and tears. This morning(it was actually noon) I popped in my netflix movie "Paper Heart", the thought was to take it easy and be entertained. Two minutes into the movie I start crying....WTF. For those of you who know me, crying is an event that occurs rarely, so the tears that came a flowing kind of surprised me.

Let's back up a minute, the basis for the documentary is that this young 20-something girl doesn't believe love is real so she travels the country to see if she can find love. Through various interviews she paints a picture of what love looks like for these various people. My favorite scene is when they were in Atlanta at playground interviewing kids... this one kid was asked what should a person do when they think they might love someone. This kid said that they should just look at the person they think they love and figure it out. I loved that line, plus the rest of the kids were so precious about they thought love was...one girl actually smacked her "boyfriend" in the head, if that isn't a making of a love story I don't know what is.

Ok, back to me(because I generally need to be the center of attention, hence this blog), I was flooded with all these emotions and thoughts of "will I ever be loved, will I ever love, what does love mean...blah, blah, blah." So as I sit here and contemplate my ability or inability to love I have come to some conclusions that I will share with you in my state of great vulnerability, and will probably regret sharing with the big wide world...but here is goes.

I believe in love...in theory. To qualify that statement I mean, I believe that romantic love happens for others, not to me. I have family and friends whom I love and whom love me dearly, but I am talking about that kind of love that occurs between two people that leads to dates, awkward kisses that become comfortable kisses, laughter that makes you cry, fights that end in great make up sex, and lifelong companionship. I think that kind of love occurs for others, but I am beginning to think that it might not happen for me. I know this sounds hugely pessimistic but based upon what I have experienced in my 27 years of life, romantic love has yet to make an appearance in my life. So what do I do with these thoughts...I dunno. I am not writing this to get a bunch of comments from my friends saying how great and beautiful they know to me to be, because I know those things, but I don't think I am the type of girl that causes a guy to take a second glance or make a move. And those things are definitely ok, I just need to maybe adjust my expectations of what that looks like. So if you are reading this, thank you for reading, but please don't tell me to be patient, or that it will happen to me someday, because it might not.

The only thing I can say today is WE'LL SEE!

Sidenote: My friend told me that the movie was "pretentious hipster drivel, Love is real!"

So, with that said, we'll see.

Figuring it out,

APK

p.s. I promise to be honest if this line of thinking changes, because it probably will, but for me romantic love is elusive as...I can't think of anything...put in your own thing that you find elusive.