Running on Empty

I was trying to think of a song title that aptly describes my new foray into the wide world of running. running on empty seemed the most appropriate, only because I never want to go running, and thus it always seems hard to muster the energy. Nevertheless, I am getting it done, however, slowly.

Soooo, I have this goal of running the Bolder Boulder in under 70 mins, it calculates out to about 11 1/2 minute miles, so I ventured out on the streets of Denver on Monday for 70 mins...4 mins of which I think were actually spent running(no exaggeration). Am I frustrated with myself and my being utterly out of shape...you betcha. You might wonder how a physical education teacher might be so out of shape...well the answer my good friends is: LAZINESS. I hate running and it makes my body hurt, but I do think it has some benefit. So in my attempt to get in shape I am going to train to run the Bolder Boulder and I am purchasing a Corepower Yoga pass for the next three months. I don't want to confuse you by allowing you to think that I am focused on weight loss, because I am not, I just want my body to feel energetic, healthy and strong...if weight loss coincides with that endeavor, great. In the past few years I have wanted to deemphasize the focus on my body image and focus on being healthy. With that said I haven't weighed myself in 2 years...good or bad, and for that I am thankful because I have been able to pay attention to how I feel rather than what the scale says. Amen to that.

As I say these things out loud, I am looking for people to encourage me in these pursuits, as well as, help me combat the laziness that so easily creeps into my life.

Peace, love, and body aches and pains

APKiller

Rolling into the Deep

As some of you might know I love music and I derive much happiness from it. Lately I have been listening to old school favorites like Warren g's Regulators and I also have been listening to some new stuff...in particular Adele's Rolling into the Deep. I have found this song and its video very cathartic, it is a song that I can bump real loud and sing my heart out or sit quietly while I let the base and drums roll their beautiful rhythm over me. This song has brought me much joy since my friends Ozzy and B-Nasty introduced it to me. And as I sit in my local Dazbog while they throw some old school hip hop my way(snoop, bone thugs, and the like) I am thankful that people have the gift of song...because it brings dance, relief, release, redemption, grace and sets pace for my life. Thank you people of the musical breed, you have given a broken woman healing.

Please enjoy the following video and be moved to movement, physical or of the heart.

Peace, love and Beats,

APK

Reader Rabbit

Yesterday I picked up one of my old favorite books, The Red Tent, primarily because the other book I was reading sucked. I needed a distraction from the horrible writing and impossibly hard to understand plot and dove into the world of Dinah, the daughter of Jacob....it is biblical fiction and I RUV it. It took me 7 hours to read the entire book, four hours before work and three hours after work. It inspired me to finish this other book, not even worth mentioning because it was so bad. So in the past two days, instead of getting my pasty self outside in the glorious weather, I spent hours in my bed reading. I think I might have to take a break for the time being and put myself out there in the land of the living. I am however taking suggestions for epic tales to read during my upcoming trips to Philly and California.

In other news I have decided to run the Bolder Boulder with some friends, and thus begins my training for the 10k, I am in need of a slow running partner to keep me honest. My goal is to run the race in under 70 mins, so begins the journey. Have I told you that I hate running, I really do, but I need a goal, something to chase after(pun most definitely intended).

Peace, love and reading,

APK

March Madness

Thursday I was able to go to my first March Madness game...I must say I can see what all the hullabaloo is all about. Maybe it was the people that I was with, the teams that were playing , the great seats or the overall splendor of it but I think that I am a fan. I might start to pay attention from here on out. To top it off I drove up to Niwot to hang with the Ma and we indulged in some madness family style. I must say I never thought that I would hear this phrase from my mothers mouth..."I have to pick and choose my games from tomorrow, so I can plan my day around the tournament". I love that woman. Anywho...it is say to say that I am a fan and that I might even put together a bracket for next year...watch out world.

Peace, Love and Madness

APK

The Tears overfloweth...

I typically like to keep this blog lighthearted but in an attempt to be more honest, authentic and real with my viewers...all ten of you...I am going to tell you about my sad Saturday night. It started out very typical, I worked grabbed a drink and dinner at the bar then headed home to my cozy apartment only to indulge in more wine and popcorn alongside the movie of the night. Normally this would be a pretty easy way for me to ease into my night of blissful sleep. Not such the case last night, I chose the wrong movie: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. This movie, as I forgot, usually elicits some pretty strong feelings from me...and this why.

There is a character that essentially represents me in high school...Her name is Carmen, she is a ball full of energy who is voluminous in every aspect. She doesn't think that she is that beautiful and has issues with her dad. In particular she never see him and when she does it is not very genuine. When I watch the scenes with this character I immediately get uncomfortable and teary because I feel sixteen years old again, unable to convey my hurt feelings towards my Dad. I can relate to her insecurities about her looks and weight. The similarities are close...she plays tennis with her Dad(me too), she was informed of her fathers wedding in a not so great way(me too), she struggles to be honest with how hurt she is with her father(ME TOO). The difference, however, lies in the fact that she is reconciled with her father at the end of the movie...It took me till I was 26 to tell my dad how I felt. So with this oh so real depiction of my life on the screen, of course, I had no other reaction other than tears. These weren't the kind of tears that come and go, these were the kind of tears that come and the pain from which they are linked to radiates to my fingertips. I heard once that the reason we wear our wedding rings on our left hands is because there is an artery that runs from our hearts to our left hand...I tell you this because my left hand feels pain when I have these kinds of cries...cries of a broken heart, I think. I am not writing this because I need to be reassured(or maybe I do), but I think that I felt compelled to talk about it. I am not that same person anymore(thank God) but those types of brokenness still tug at my heart. I love my father and we have a much better relationship now that we have talked, but that still doesn't change that he missed my volleyball games, proms and being able to delight in his beautiful daughter.

In a nut shell, I am sad to have ever had to feel the feelings that I did during my youth, but I am joyful for the person they have made me. I am by no means over all my issues but I have come to a place where I am willing to accept who and where I am in life and live from that rather than living from my insecurities or voids.

Thanks for listening,

APK

Biblical Times...

"You shall not watch your neighbour’s ox or sheep straying away and ignore them; you shall take them back to their owner. If the owner does not reside near you or you do not know who the owner is, you shall bring it to your own house, and it shall remain with you until the owner claims it; then you shall return it."

- Deuteronomy 22:1-2

I receive daily bible verses in my email, along with prayers and quotes that are to inspire me. Most of the time they do and I get all hopped up on the good G.O.D, but old testament stuff sometimes strikes me funny in our modern times. Don't get me wrong I understand the underlying message. But sometimes I get to thinking..."Well, shoot what if m y neighbor does live too far for me to return his/her ox/sheep? I mean let's get honest, how am I to fit that in...I have yoga, facebooking, work, looking for work, etc. Returning someone else's stray livestock sounds like a hassle. And seriously, I can't have animals in my apartment." So this is when I get real pissed that my neighbor was careless to let their ox(who has been named Foxy) out...pissed, so pissed. So in my head of humor that is what I am really thinking, trying to make a joke of the scripture because it shows that I am a Christian with a sense of humor...but then I take a step back and think, well shoot, what is the true intention of the scripture. And sadly I think that I might have the same reaction to my neighbors lost "whatever", it is an inconvenience. In a world where I claim to be accessible and caring and compassionate, I think that I have done a real good job of projecting someone much cooler than I. Soooo, what have I learned from this today.....hmmmmm....unsure to be honest. I think that God might want me stop trivializing the written Word, but then again I think he might delight in my thought processes around scripture. I will tell you this if "Foxy"(literal or figurative) is roaming about, I might think twice before letting it pass me by...thanks Deuteronomy.

Joyful moment today...touching the head of a baby while it was still in the womb, thanks for letting me touch your belly Mrs. English...can't wait to meet baby English and kiss its little head.

Thoughtful and still laughing at myself,

APK