Survival Skills

As a single woman in Denver, Colorado I have had to develop some survival skills, so that I don't become a victim. The skill that I like the most and use most frequently is the Single Woman Karate Kick. You must be wondering how this karate kick differs from the rest of the karate kicks in martial arts, well...frankly, the only difference it that SWKK only makes contact with inadament objects, such as doors and....mainly doors. The reason that this particular kick has been added to my repertoire of survival skills is that it allows for multiple levels of multitasking. Let me tell you how I get to utilize this skill. The scene goes as follows...

Young woman has entirely too much clothing for one individual, thus she is able to put off doing laundry for multiple weeks. In her infinite wisdom she has divided her clothes up in the various different loads and loaded them into the basket AND laundry bag(yes kids it takes two carrying devices) and proceeds to head out the door to the laundry mat. In her arsenal of tricks she holds the Single Woman Karate Kick, but as she has already used her brain(another survival skill...use of brain, not popular with attracting the shallow men but is a must for survival, sorry boys this one is a smart cookie) to prop open the door she must carry the weight or her wardrobe speedily to her car. Shoot dang, the door is closed and alas she must drop the loads of dirty clothing on the ground, she was desperately hoping to avoid this situation. Once the clothing is safe in the coche(Spanish for car) she drives the five blocks to encounter another stitch in which she might become a victim, but then again our heroine has something else up her sleeve. As she approaches the front door of the laundry mat she performs the "Lean against the wall with laundry basket between, using one arm to swing the door wide open then wedge body in between door and wall as to create the opening to enter", which she performed with elegance and grace that the Russian Judges gave her a 10. As time slowly passed and our leading lady wrote another blog and facestalked, the laundry got clean and folded. The only thing left to do is to pack up the fresh smelling clothes and head home. If you thought our favorite woman had made it home without travail you would be mistaken...there was one more obstacle in her way...THE FRONT DOOR. For many years the front door has posed a problem for single women carrying more than they should all over the world. This stitch is the exact reason the Single Woman Karate Kick was created...so our most lovely lady prepares with the "Lean against the wall, using one arm to swing the door wide open then wedge body in between door and wall as to create the opening to enter", after unlocking the door she steadies herself and "FWAPOW" the right leg contacts the front door with ease to let our young lady in her apartment with as much ease as can be allowed with such a heavy load. Once the SWKK has performed and clothes are safely put away the Single lady rejoices that her tasks have been completed without her becoming a victim...of what you might ask...a victim of falling laundry baskets or the having to put them down to open the door.

Most days I never have to use the SWKK(can also be used when carrying groceries), and if I were ever attacked by an actual person I would be hopeless, but it has served me well and I envision it will serve me well when I have a family too.

Till the next adventure.

Just call me the Karate Kid,

APK

now i actually have to go pick up my laundry and head home. thanks for reading.