Feeling Special

I have often heard the phrases "You get back what you put out", "Karma's a Bitch", "What goes around comes around"....I struggle to trust these most days, but I have found myself in a place in life where it seems that good begets good. The more joy that flows out of me seems to be returned, and with more added into the bucket. The best visual that I could give you is of a woman happily carrying buckets of water down the dusty road. The buckets/containers seem to be resting on every limb available, overflowing with most refreshing water. Often the water gets all over the woman, sometimes it gets all over the people around her. I feel like this woman, just hoping that this very life giving feeling spills off of me onto those around me.

To go into further detail, I have recently acquired a career-type job with a career-type salary. I feel hugely blessed to have been given the opportunity to pursue that which I am good at, as well as, getting to do something that I feel is important and full of impact. We have all heard me talk about teaching and how much I crave to be used in that arena of life...And all my hard work is beginning to pay off. I will be teaching in DPS(Denver Public Schools) and hopefully getting to work alongside some great teachers to improve the physical fitness of our local kiddos.

In addition, I will be continuing to stay involved with Cafe 180 by being their blogger, I hope to have more information on that in the next couple weeks.

I have no misconceptions that this next couple months is going to stretch me in ways that are uncomfortable, but the aim is embrace the pain that comes along so that I can operate in new ways that continue to fill up my buckets so that I may be that woman that I envision, walking happily spilling out joy, goodness, honesty, brokenness and life.

So for more on the good, bad and the ugly....give me a ring and let's chat. There are a couple more things going on that I would love to share with you...

Floating...

APKilla

Here are a few pics from the BEST WEDDING EVER, the bride wanted the coveted position within the Top Five Wedding List. Keys to her victory we people, location, free...everything, and marrying her best friend. Way to go team.

The lovely bride, drinking her favorite, MichGoldenLite....stay classy

New friends, exactly why weddings are the best, thanks team.

Just Call me Captain

Mr. Max Kelemen, posing in his best Boswell, hair club for men pose.

Low expectations, High hopes

This past week a great opportunity was presented to me, a job opportunity to work with a company that would work with 14 schools in the Denver Public Schools. Up until this point I had decided that I was going to put off the teaching career till next fall, at which point I would take a four month trip abroad to see 8 countries. I was excited at the possibility of travel, adventure and independence. But as life would have it, and it always gets it way, I interviewed with SportXcel yesterday and I might be pursuing a teaching job after all. It has happened real quickly and I am obviously excited about the opportunity. I am particularly excited because it will also allow me to keep my other two jobs(kinda) and allow me the opportunity to still travel next summer. I know that I can't have it all but I am getting the feeling that I am on the cusp of getting most of what I want.

With all that said there is still a lot of expectations that need to be managed...I haven'y gotten the job yet. And as much as I think I would be a great asset to their program, they might not. Sooooo, I am hoping to get the job not expecting it.

For those of you whom have been going through this process with me these past couple days, thank your for your support, prayers and best wishes.

hopefully WINNING,

APKilla

Its time for an update...

Well people,

an entire summer has passed since I last blogged. As I look back on the last blog I realize that you might not have wanted to come back for a visit...who would, I was Debbie Downer. But since that blog, and off a recent wedding, I can say that good things are in the mix. As we approach Fall(my favorite of the seasons) I am excited to talk about the things that are going on in my life...some of them minor, but still good things.

For starters I am currently working at a non-profit called Cafe 180 as a volunteer coordinator, I have been enjoying most moments there and feel as though my skills are being put to use. However, I am still working at the WPG, and I am glad to have a job where I can make good money quick and still have tons of freedom. I am also looking into other opportunities to pursue some stuff in the teaching field. So, all in all, the job stitch isn't ideal but overall I am loving it.

I am still living in the Congress park area in an apartment by myself, the price is still right and I am never there anyway. Ideally, I would love to be living with a good friend for around the same price but as life would have it I am still standing strong in independence city.

Summers in Colorado have a way of helping me realize how absolutely lucky and blessed I am. I have had plenty of time in the sun, plenty of time spent with lovely people, plenty of good food and wine and plenty of plenty. I have made more friends this summer than I have in a long time, and they have been the type of people that I hope to be friends with for a long time to come. I have gone to 2 top 5 weddings that have made me realize how lucky I am to have friends that want me to share in one of the most joyous moments of their lives. I don't want to keep going on about how great my friends are, but for those of you who read this regularly and know me well...you know that I absolutely don't deserve you all...but now that we have each other let's make a good run at it.

I am looking forward to a fall filled with more friendships, more epic memories, more moments filled with hope, more time with family, more time pursuing truth and honesty in my life. To sum up the summer...EPIC. The marker of this summer is for sure the fruits of friendship...laughter, tears, playing, listening, talking and sharing life.

Thanks for reading and catching up...I am hoping to post some pictures of this summer so that you can put a visual to what I have been talking about.

Till next time,

APKilla

Put on a happy face...

I love me a good wedding. I love the general splendor of watching the event unfold, hearing stories, laughing, eating and dancing. The phrase "eat, drink and be merry" cannot be more true of why I love weddings. I have had the great pleasure of attending lots of blessed events and have even been asked to participate in a few. When I get an invite in the mail something magical happens in me...blame it on our crazy wedding culture, but I get to thinking about the setting, the decorations, the new friends I will encounter and the old ones I will laugh with. I get to pick out another dress that will make me feel lovely and noticed, I get to envision the bride and groom standing hand in had(preferably crying), I get to imagine the music that will be played and inevitably get me to the dance floor. Those are the things that I think about prior to a wedding.

Over the past 6 months, however, I have developed a slight bitterness toward the wedding, not the people but wedding itself. It isn't the general splendor that I distaste or the cheap wine. It is the experience that isn't shared...shared with someone who loves. I wasn't quite sure about this feeling till a friend who is married asked me about it. I think I came up with some bullshit answer to deflect the question....but the truth is, I would love to be sitting next to my honey while vows are being read, tears shed, and slow dances to be danced. I don't say these things because I am a loner at weddings, I do quite well actually. I have been known to lead "Thriller", give a spectacular toast and generally be part of the life sustaining the party. So this ache doesn't come from being ignored, it comes from trusting that I am wonderful and waiting for someone to see that.Weddings seems to have the ability of getting at that particular ache of mine.

I will always and forever be that woman who loves a good wedding and I will rally through the sadness that it might bring out, but for now I am a lady in waiting. Waiting for my prince to come(I am in Hollywood now, so prince seemed appropriate), waiting for the next time I get to be with my friends at a wedding, waiting for the ache to be gone, waiting for my special slow dance.:)

Those of you who might read this and remember me at your wedding or are envisioning me at your future wedding, the only thing that I can share with you is that I loved it, I love you and I that I "ate, drank and was merry".

Patience is a virtue...I am finding myself to be quite virtuous.

AshleyPaige

NU THANG

So, a couple posts ago I briefly talked about a new thing...well, I stumbled on this youtube video and it really encapsulates what I meant, right down to the M.C. Hammer pants and the running man, YES PLEASE!!!

2 Fast 2 Furious

Now that we have established a relationship here, I feel as though it might be time to share some of my dark secrets with you....that aren't that dark or that secret, just a bit shameful. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about my like for the Fast and Furious series of movies. Truth be told I have not seen 3 or 4, but last night I indulged my curiosity by going to FAST FIVE(insert best high velocity deep voice). I had planned on going to see this movie once the hype was past during a matinée, probably in the middle of the week...by MYSELF. This plan was suppose to keep my like(I don't say love, b/c I don't love them, just like alot) a secret, plus explaining why I like such a silly thing was something I wasn't prepared to do. Much to my dismay(or should I say benefit) I was invited to go with a much of friends last night. The group was mostly comprised of men(surprising I know), but I was happy to step out of the shame and embrace my fellow lover of the uber cheesy car movie. Now that I no longer have to live in the dark, I will happily share with you why I like/love these movies.

Since it was the fifth movie, I will give you five reasons:

1. Paul "the hotness drips from me" Walker

2. At some point there be a moment when I actually say out loud..."This sh*t is unbelievable...but I love it."

3. Someone will inevitably mention something about being a family...even though only two of the people are related

4. Hot Bodies, Hot Cars, Hot BBQ's and Bad Guys

5. They are epicly cheesy and horribly acted but it is awesomely entertaining

Those are a few of the reasons to watch the movies...

I trust that you won't go pay money to see it, shoot I wouldn't either(someone paid for my ticket last night...bonus), but I think if we don't watch a cheesy dance movie together I might suggest something from the Fast and Furious franchise...as shameful as it might be.

I love this life...

APKilla(that is what they would call me if they ever cast me in any future movies...fingers crossed)

A new thing

In the past few weeks things have been stirring in my life. I have been ask to help out at this cafe as an assistant volunteer coordinator. This particular cafe helps feed those who can't afford a meal. I have had a handful of experiences there already that have made me remember that this year is about seeking joy. When I get a chance to give a healthy, satisfying meal to a man who hasn't eaten in three days, something inside of me says thank you Jesus....thank you for providing for me, thank you that I get the chance to share my life with good people and thank you for opportunities to not focus on myself. And though I am still working at the Washington Park Grille and not teaching I am evaluating what I really want to do next. YES, getting a real job and paying down my debt and students loans sounds appealing, so does working real hard for the next 12 months so that I can travel for 6 months. So the question is, how can I do a little of both. Thoughts of moving home with my Mom has crossed my mind, but I just can't justify living in Niwot when my life is in Denver. So, the goal in the next couple of months is to figure out how I can live more cheaply than I am now and how I can make more money than I am now. Sounds like an easy equation but in all honesty I don't want to sacrifice my freedom....I want my cake and to eat too. Another thing that I am excited about is that I will be watching a coworkers son one day a week. I am real excited about this because Avon(the kiddo) is absolutely adorable and I get to help the mom and dad out(bonus!)

To say the last year has been great would be an absolute lie, but what I have learned about myself in the process has been invaluable.

Summer in the city is here and to say that this chick is excited is an understatement....it is positively my favorite time in Denver. I cannot wait to share my adventures with you. Stay dialed in.

A new thing is here,

APK

Brotherly Love...Adventures in

As most of you know I spent the last weekend in the city of Brotherly Love. I am happy to say that the love was felt, but I did not fall in love with any brothers. I spent the weekend in good conversation, good food and good old fashion fun. I went to Philadelphia to visit three of a my favorite people in the whole wide world: Amy and Caleb Nothwehr and Janelle Anema. I think a play by play of the weekend might leave you sleeping face down on your computer with drool covering your keyboard, so I will give you the highlights...bulleted(because I am being lazy)

-Dinner @ Earth, Manakeesh, and the Nothwehrs.

-Cheesesteaks @ Carmines @ Reading Station

-Watching "Grown Ups", the movie was not a highlight, but that we watched it(period)

-Cartwheels in the Constitutional Mall(belly laughs)

-NERTS(Z)

-Watching Amy/Cindy rock the soccer field

-Dios te Bendigas

-Continual Conversation with Janelle till 2 in the morning

-Girl talk Luncheon

-Mtg new peeps

-MATT WERTZ!!!!!!

I am thankful for the time that I got to spend with these people, I realized how much JOY that they bring me and the freedom that their friendship affords me. I am also thankful for the people that have taken care of them in my absence, I feel like a proud mama watching her children grown up and do the things that they are created to do.

I trust that the good Lord takes cares of us in specific ways and I got to see how He is doing that with my friends. Life is truly blessed when you can laugh about goobery singer/songwriters and get lost and end up in Jersey.

Wishing for more times like this,

APK

Girl, Interrupted..grrr.

Yoga...a break from reality and a destination that I so commonly crave. Corepower Yoga...expensive but totally worth the dolla dolla bills, especially on a Monday night with the gloriously sexy and nice yoga instructor. We will call him hot sexy yogapants(only because I don't want anyone to rat me out to him). Not only is Hot sexy yogapants everything his title claims but he is actually a pretty decent instructor. I enjoy going to his class for multiple reasons, first being HIM, second being that it is usually beginners who are learning and improving and lastly because I can come in whatever condition and work it out on the mat. That is why I love my Monday night. I must admit that I started going because a friend told me about Hot sexy yogapants, and I keep going because of him and the workout I get. I must also admit that sometimes he makes me very nervous and sometimes I giggle like a third grader with a crush when I see him in upward dog...((sigh))...nothing else to say about that. Let me get to the point of my story.

This Monday I had to work but I got off extremely early and was able to rush over and get in some mat time. Everything was going as normal, then I glanced over to my right and saw a little yogi(I think she was an instructor), I normally check out the crowd just to see if, duh, there are any other cute, sexy yoga men there. But as we are getting into the flow this little yogi keeps grabbing my attention, which, of course is not the point...but sister kept doing harder moves and bending like a fricken pretzel that I was starting to get competitive. Also, not the point. Let's get real here...if you rock at yoga you should be going to more advanced classes to get the most out of the practice, you should not be coming to beginning level classes to show off. I don't mind the advanced yogi dropping in to get back to basics but please don't be doing handstands to show off how cool you are. To say the least I was distracted, and I felt like telling this little yogi..."Go bend yourself in half in another class, please(trying to keep with the yoga spirit)", but I proceeded with the flow.

NOW: Some self realization:

My intention was to feel strong and I left feeling defeated. My problem, alas, lies in my need to compete with others and the need to do things well. So when I saw little yogi knocking it out of the park I got jealous that I wasn't rocking it. Instead of showing myself no judgment, I let myself get caught up with the things that I go to yoga to get freedom from...boo.

My behind is real sore because of the whole ordeal...maybe a reminder that it isn't about the B.S. that I made it about. Still giggled a butt, I mean a bit.

Interrupted, unintentionally

APK

Survival Skills

As a single woman in Denver, Colorado I have had to develop some survival skills, so that I don't become a victim. The skill that I like the most and use most frequently is the Single Woman Karate Kick. You must be wondering how this karate kick differs from the rest of the karate kicks in martial arts, well...frankly, the only difference it that SWKK only makes contact with inadament objects, such as doors and....mainly doors. The reason that this particular kick has been added to my repertoire of survival skills is that it allows for multiple levels of multitasking. Let me tell you how I get to utilize this skill. The scene goes as follows...

Young woman has entirely too much clothing for one individual, thus she is able to put off doing laundry for multiple weeks. In her infinite wisdom she has divided her clothes up in the various different loads and loaded them into the basket AND laundry bag(yes kids it takes two carrying devices) and proceeds to head out the door to the laundry mat. In her arsenal of tricks she holds the Single Woman Karate Kick, but as she has already used her brain(another survival skill...use of brain, not popular with attracting the shallow men but is a must for survival, sorry boys this one is a smart cookie) to prop open the door she must carry the weight or her wardrobe speedily to her car. Shoot dang, the door is closed and alas she must drop the loads of dirty clothing on the ground, she was desperately hoping to avoid this situation. Once the clothing is safe in the coche(Spanish for car) she drives the five blocks to encounter another stitch in which she might become a victim, but then again our heroine has something else up her sleeve. As she approaches the front door of the laundry mat she performs the "Lean against the wall with laundry basket between, using one arm to swing the door wide open then wedge body in between door and wall as to create the opening to enter", which she performed with elegance and grace that the Russian Judges gave her a 10. As time slowly passed and our leading lady wrote another blog and facestalked, the laundry got clean and folded. The only thing left to do is to pack up the fresh smelling clothes and head home. If you thought our favorite woman had made it home without travail you would be mistaken...there was one more obstacle in her way...THE FRONT DOOR. For many years the front door has posed a problem for single women carrying more than they should all over the world. This stitch is the exact reason the Single Woman Karate Kick was created...so our most lovely lady prepares with the "Lean against the wall, using one arm to swing the door wide open then wedge body in between door and wall as to create the opening to enter", after unlocking the door she steadies herself and "FWAPOW" the right leg contacts the front door with ease to let our young lady in her apartment with as much ease as can be allowed with such a heavy load. Once the SWKK has performed and clothes are safely put away the Single lady rejoices that her tasks have been completed without her becoming a victim...of what you might ask...a victim of falling laundry baskets or the having to put them down to open the door.

Most days I never have to use the SWKK(can also be used when carrying groceries), and if I were ever attacked by an actual person I would be hopeless, but it has served me well and I envision it will serve me well when I have a family too.

Till the next adventure.

Just call me the Karate Kid,

APK

now i actually have to go pick up my laundry and head home. thanks for reading.

Running on Empty

I was trying to think of a song title that aptly describes my new foray into the wide world of running. running on empty seemed the most appropriate, only because I never want to go running, and thus it always seems hard to muster the energy. Nevertheless, I am getting it done, however, slowly.

Soooo, I have this goal of running the Bolder Boulder in under 70 mins, it calculates out to about 11 1/2 minute miles, so I ventured out on the streets of Denver on Monday for 70 mins...4 mins of which I think were actually spent running(no exaggeration). Am I frustrated with myself and my being utterly out of shape...you betcha. You might wonder how a physical education teacher might be so out of shape...well the answer my good friends is: LAZINESS. I hate running and it makes my body hurt, but I do think it has some benefit. So in my attempt to get in shape I am going to train to run the Bolder Boulder and I am purchasing a Corepower Yoga pass for the next three months. I don't want to confuse you by allowing you to think that I am focused on weight loss, because I am not, I just want my body to feel energetic, healthy and strong...if weight loss coincides with that endeavor, great. In the past few years I have wanted to deemphasize the focus on my body image and focus on being healthy. With that said I haven't weighed myself in 2 years...good or bad, and for that I am thankful because I have been able to pay attention to how I feel rather than what the scale says. Amen to that.

As I say these things out loud, I am looking for people to encourage me in these pursuits, as well as, help me combat the laziness that so easily creeps into my life.

Peace, love, and body aches and pains

APKiller

Rolling into the Deep

As some of you might know I love music and I derive much happiness from it. Lately I have been listening to old school favorites like Warren g's Regulators and I also have been listening to some new stuff...in particular Adele's Rolling into the Deep. I have found this song and its video very cathartic, it is a song that I can bump real loud and sing my heart out or sit quietly while I let the base and drums roll their beautiful rhythm over me. This song has brought me much joy since my friends Ozzy and B-Nasty introduced it to me. And as I sit in my local Dazbog while they throw some old school hip hop my way(snoop, bone thugs, and the like) I am thankful that people have the gift of song...because it brings dance, relief, release, redemption, grace and sets pace for my life. Thank you people of the musical breed, you have given a broken woman healing.

Please enjoy the following video and be moved to movement, physical or of the heart.

Peace, love and Beats,

APK

Reader Rabbit

Yesterday I picked up one of my old favorite books, The Red Tent, primarily because the other book I was reading sucked. I needed a distraction from the horrible writing and impossibly hard to understand plot and dove into the world of Dinah, the daughter of Jacob....it is biblical fiction and I RUV it. It took me 7 hours to read the entire book, four hours before work and three hours after work. It inspired me to finish this other book, not even worth mentioning because it was so bad. So in the past two days, instead of getting my pasty self outside in the glorious weather, I spent hours in my bed reading. I think I might have to take a break for the time being and put myself out there in the land of the living. I am however taking suggestions for epic tales to read during my upcoming trips to Philly and California.

In other news I have decided to run the Bolder Boulder with some friends, and thus begins my training for the 10k, I am in need of a slow running partner to keep me honest. My goal is to run the race in under 70 mins, so begins the journey. Have I told you that I hate running, I really do, but I need a goal, something to chase after(pun most definitely intended).

Peace, love and reading,

APK

March Madness

Thursday I was able to go to my first March Madness game...I must say I can see what all the hullabaloo is all about. Maybe it was the people that I was with, the teams that were playing , the great seats or the overall splendor of it but I think that I am a fan. I might start to pay attention from here on out. To top it off I drove up to Niwot to hang with the Ma and we indulged in some madness family style. I must say I never thought that I would hear this phrase from my mothers mouth..."I have to pick and choose my games from tomorrow, so I can plan my day around the tournament". I love that woman. Anywho...it is say to say that I am a fan and that I might even put together a bracket for next year...watch out world.

Peace, Love and Madness

APK

The Tears overfloweth...

I typically like to keep this blog lighthearted but in an attempt to be more honest, authentic and real with my viewers...all ten of you...I am going to tell you about my sad Saturday night. It started out very typical, I worked grabbed a drink and dinner at the bar then headed home to my cozy apartment only to indulge in more wine and popcorn alongside the movie of the night. Normally this would be a pretty easy way for me to ease into my night of blissful sleep. Not such the case last night, I chose the wrong movie: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. This movie, as I forgot, usually elicits some pretty strong feelings from me...and this why.

There is a character that essentially represents me in high school...Her name is Carmen, she is a ball full of energy who is voluminous in every aspect. She doesn't think that she is that beautiful and has issues with her dad. In particular she never see him and when she does it is not very genuine. When I watch the scenes with this character I immediately get uncomfortable and teary because I feel sixteen years old again, unable to convey my hurt feelings towards my Dad. I can relate to her insecurities about her looks and weight. The similarities are close...she plays tennis with her Dad(me too), she was informed of her fathers wedding in a not so great way(me too), she struggles to be honest with how hurt she is with her father(ME TOO). The difference, however, lies in the fact that she is reconciled with her father at the end of the movie...It took me till I was 26 to tell my dad how I felt. So with this oh so real depiction of my life on the screen, of course, I had no other reaction other than tears. These weren't the kind of tears that come and go, these were the kind of tears that come and the pain from which they are linked to radiates to my fingertips. I heard once that the reason we wear our wedding rings on our left hands is because there is an artery that runs from our hearts to our left hand...I tell you this because my left hand feels pain when I have these kinds of cries...cries of a broken heart, I think. I am not writing this because I need to be reassured(or maybe I do), but I think that I felt compelled to talk about it. I am not that same person anymore(thank God) but those types of brokenness still tug at my heart. I love my father and we have a much better relationship now that we have talked, but that still doesn't change that he missed my volleyball games, proms and being able to delight in his beautiful daughter.

In a nut shell, I am sad to have ever had to feel the feelings that I did during my youth, but I am joyful for the person they have made me. I am by no means over all my issues but I have come to a place where I am willing to accept who and where I am in life and live from that rather than living from my insecurities or voids.

Thanks for listening,

APK

Biblical Times...

"You shall not watch your neighbour’s ox or sheep straying away and ignore them; you shall take them back to their owner. If the owner does not reside near you or you do not know who the owner is, you shall bring it to your own house, and it shall remain with you until the owner claims it; then you shall return it."

- Deuteronomy 22:1-2

I receive daily bible verses in my email, along with prayers and quotes that are to inspire me. Most of the time they do and I get all hopped up on the good G.O.D, but old testament stuff sometimes strikes me funny in our modern times. Don't get me wrong I understand the underlying message. But sometimes I get to thinking..."Well, shoot what if m y neighbor does live too far for me to return his/her ox/sheep? I mean let's get honest, how am I to fit that in...I have yoga, facebooking, work, looking for work, etc. Returning someone else's stray livestock sounds like a hassle. And seriously, I can't have animals in my apartment." So this is when I get real pissed that my neighbor was careless to let their ox(who has been named Foxy) out...pissed, so pissed. So in my head of humor that is what I am really thinking, trying to make a joke of the scripture because it shows that I am a Christian with a sense of humor...but then I take a step back and think, well shoot, what is the true intention of the scripture. And sadly I think that I might have the same reaction to my neighbors lost "whatever", it is an inconvenience. In a world where I claim to be accessible and caring and compassionate, I think that I have done a real good job of projecting someone much cooler than I. Soooo, what have I learned from this today.....hmmmmm....unsure to be honest. I think that God might want me stop trivializing the written Word, but then again I think he might delight in my thought processes around scripture. I will tell you this if "Foxy"(literal or figurative) is roaming about, I might think twice before letting it pass me by...thanks Deuteronomy.

Joyful moment today...touching the head of a baby while it was still in the womb, thanks for letting me touch your belly Mrs. English...can't wait to meet baby English and kiss its little head.

Thoughtful and still laughing at myself,

APK

Baking, Birthdays, and Baby Showers...oh my.

February is always a special month for me, for multiple reasons, one being Valentines Day. Other reasons include birthdays such as my dad, brother, aunt, and various people whom I love...oh and I have birthday this month too. Sadly, or maybe not so sadly, Valentines Day is one of, if not, my favorite holiday to celebrate.

I am going to write this blog chronologically, only I am going to work backwards till I hit Friday afternoon. To begin I will start with YESTERDAY....VALENTINES DAY.

I awoke with the thoughts of love floating through my head, I was cheerful and smiles, you might have thought that I found my long lost love and that I was heading to the alter any day now. No long lost love found but rather I was swimming in my love for all the people in my life. You see Valentines Day doesn't represent a day for me to wallow in my singleness, actually, I get to rejoice that I am loved by many and love many. After I pulled myself from my comfy bed I rolled over to my friend Megan's house to begin our baking extravaganza(when 50+ cupcakes are made it is a tale to be told in epic proportions, look for my next blog). After 4 hours of baking and decorating it was time to go out and do the delivering. I think this is my favorite part...I made a plan...I was going to start North and then make a loop till I ended up near where I was going to be doing yoga. I stopped off at my co-workers house(she needed a cupcake), then rocked over to my old roommates house...five boys surely want cupcakes, then bounced over to another friend...she is a glutard but she loved the homemade card. From there I swung over to my brother's house to deliver some yumcakes to him and his roommates...then I hopped, skipped and jumped to my aunts house(she lives blocks from my brother)...she ate a mini cupcake on the spot and gave me a bottle of wine(note to self, baking for Aunt Gail gets you wine, yes please!). Only two more stops on my list and bout 15 more yumcakes to give out. Stopped off at the 'Rents house only to find out that my dad was out(sans my stepmom), hopefully she didn't share....lastly I drove over to Heather's house but I was sure to fill up my tank otherwise I would have run out of gas. I was running out of gas myself but the thought of miso soup and yoga with hot, foxy yoga man Mike kept me going So I dropped off the last six and headed to yoga...yoga man Mike is scrumptious...better than any cupcake I could bake. This brings me to Sunday...a day full of family and movies for me.

Every February my family celebrates all the Aquarian birthdays...this years theme, Grill Out, why not, it was 60 degrees and sunny. After my scrumptious turkey burger I scuttled over to the movies to watch a movie not worth mentioning because it was bad but I might add there were beautiful men in it(I am such a sucker), then I went an rented Shutter Island and Crazy Heart(I would recommend both), I fell asleep on the couch, ah sweet bliss.

I hope you have been following along because this is where the "stuff" gets crazy. Saturday was the big day of the weekend....A baby shower and a "Pretty in Pink" party for my birthday. Let's start at 8am...I wake to shower to get ready for the shower...as I am driving over to my parents house to get the party going my father calls me to indicate that there is plumbing problem. OH really, what the EFF does that mean. It meant that we couldn't use the toilets or sinks for a couple hours and that the plumber was going to be interrupting our baby shower...AWESOME:(.

All in all, not that bad, but definitely not ideal. The best part was seeing Kay(the grandmother to be) cry tears at the drop of a hat...ah man, loved it. Another highlight was surprising Steph with Audrey her roommate from college....tears runneth over, yes please! From Baby shower home to get ready for "Pretty in Pink", but only after a siesta. Once were were ready we headed to Sushi Hai to celebrate Heather and I's birthday with drinks and friends. My old roommate Jenny made me some pink creepcakes(givecupcakes.blogspot.com) and then we mostly headed home to sleep. Many thanks to those who trekked to see me...I appreciate you more than you know.

This has gotten pretty lengthy and I am running out of steam and adjectives so I will leave you with my thoughts about FEBRUARY....I love it, mainly because I love Valentines Day. If you didn't receive a valentine from me that day...it was mainly because you lived too far away. I will always love this day and I am glad that I get to take time to celebrate it the way I want...not the way Hallmark says I should. Soooo, if you want a very yummy treat next year, move nearby and you will most likely hear a knock on your door....till I blog again, tell someone other than your significant other that you love them....

Filled with holiday Joy,

APKupcakes

Free Coffee, Free Food, Free Time

((Sigh)), Glorious is the day, the full day spent off...off work, off the grid(as much as one can be), off to play. Yesterday I had the entire day to spend however I wanted...and I did, spend it in good company from start to finish, filled with laughter and good food, plus free coffee.

I am a typical sleeper-inner, I enjoy time in my warm, cozy bed while the rest of world is bustling about in the sub-freezing temperatures, but I had made plans with a dear friend for breakfast so the bed must be vacated. I met one, Parker Boone, at Lucile's(a favorite spot of mine) to share a meal and life. This man is such a gem, I am so thankful that he is a friend and that he looks out for me...and that we can always say the inappropriate things that go through our heads. I love Parker for lots of things, but my favorite quality is his generosity, ever time we go out he never lets me pay. Parker doesn't do this because he has all the money in the world or because he is such a gentleman, but rather this is his way of loving those around him. Thank you friend...next time let's get beneigts (sp).

From there I braved the freezing temps and walked around the lovely Wash Park. After burning off my morning grub I quickly got myself together and heading to Boulder(the Peoples Republic of).

As I am jammin' out to one tune after another an idea strikes...I should see if mamacita can join me for lunch or vice versa. One call made and JACKPOT...not only do I get to have lunch with my mother, I get my Aunt Nancy too. Talk about 2 for the price of 1...another free meal, are you starting to see the theme of the day. Normally, I would head over to Pearl Street and get my internet on but I decided to go shopping instead(hence the off the grid). Thankfully every place I went to (sans Target) was either too expensive or the clothing just look horrible on me. Phew, dodged a bullet there. After sometime wandering around and peeking in here and there, I decided it was time to head over to my beloved Stocktons casa. BUT, I must grab some coffee, so I stop in at Einsteins, and the sweet girl behind the counter gave me a free cup of coffee...such a blessing.

Once I had arrived at the Stockton casa, I was a virtual chatter box....going on and on about the most ridiculous things, stumbling and stammering my words. I guess I just wanted them to hear everything. They cooked me wonderful tacos with chips and salsa, along with coin style margaritas. To top off the night, Jenny, baked tres leches cupcakes. (sidenote: Jenny has a cupcake project that you should check out... Give Cupcakes, http://givecupcakes.blogspot.com/)

All in all, glorious day, three free meals, one free cup of coffee and time spent laughing with good people who love me.

(Free food doesn't always= glorious day for me, but rather those who spend time eating the food with me)

Excited for another day of free...

APK

30 seconds to Mars...Funkiphino

This was a night to remember, primarily because I got to be yards away from my high school celebrity crush...Jared Leto, or as I like to call him "Jordan Catalano". As you can see above my friend Colleen and I went to the 30 seconds to mars concert a couple of weeks ago. I was thrust back to my old ways of pushing and screaming my way closer to the stage. Sadly I ditched Colleen in hope that I might close enough for my dream man to call me up on stage and sing a love ballad to me...I am pretty sure that is everyone's dream. All in all I was overlooked and was unable to dance on stage with my crush...better luck next time. After all was said and done, another good music show under my belt. It was still early in the night and I was not ready to call it night, so what is a spunky girl to do when she has her dancing shoes on....

She goes to Herman's Hideaway on Broadway with friends and dances the night away to the latest and greatest from Colorado Funk Band Funkiphino. I must tell you that I have not had so much fun...ok, I probably have, but this band and the company was totally legit and fun. Coincidently they are going to be playing another venue the night of my birthday celebration....I do say that the stars are in line for me this month. YAYhoo.

Thanks for all the memories Team...APKilling it!!

It's a wee bit cold out today.

I have nothing to share today...I am pretty sure that the temperature has frozen my brain cells. I am sitting in a drafty coffee shop trying to update my resume and cover letter. The joy that I seek today is warmth...and since mother nature refuses to participate I am thankful to say that the generous barista was able to provide me with some warmth...he made me a sample of a white mocha. I had asked him if they were good and he said "I have never had one...couldn't tell ya, sorry". So I went with the drip coffee and got settled into my spot. About 5 minutes later he came up to me and offered me a sample of the white mocha, we tapped mugs and cheers, it was a moment that I am thankful for.

Who would have thought that joy would come in the form of a warm yummy white chocolate mocha. MMMhmmmm!

Hoping for more warm, yummy moments,

APK

I can't make this stuff up...

Normally I wouldn't care to write about work, but last night felt like it needed some attention. Not because it was a spectacular evening, just two odd things that made me laugh...laugh hard.

Let me set the stage for you....The evening had begun as usual, setting up the restaurant, joking around with the regulars at the bar...deciding whether the night was going to be fruitful or not. Other things that I should mention are the restaurant is perfectly lit, the fireplace is roaring and the snow is falling softly outside, all in all we were poised for a night of cute couples celebrating each other and the overall splendor of the winter. It was a virtual winter wonderland, warm and cozy, ready for romance. Is that the kind of night we had.....oh hell no. First off I didn't have any customers for two hours, then this family came in. The young boy was nothing short of trouble, making all kinds of noise...basically a public nuisance. As the night progressed I found out that this kids parents let him take a nap ON THE GROUND in between two tables. I try not to throw judgments around, but let's get real, the germs that are on a carpeted floor in a restaurant, blech!! I wasn't even aware of this atrocity till after the fact, but I seriously wanted to tell the mom to take her kid to get tested for all kinds of things. This is right before the Princess of Darkness entered with her black velvet cloak/cape. First off, black velvet with red satin lining is never a good look regardless of what the garment looks like and secondly, I wasn't sure if I should hide because I might get bitten or hide because a spell was going to be cast upon me. To tell you the truth there were many jokes flying about like owls at Hogwarts. I think there were mentions of bloody mary's and bread and blooder...I mean butter. I was happy and relieved when they decided to leave and go back to whatever fantastical land they came from...not doubt it has elves, orcs, talking trees, pumpkin juice, werewolves and possibly a shire. Suffice it to say we live in an amazing world where we are allowed to get away with the most ridiculous clothing....I am glad I never anything silly, sans elementary and junior high(I was a wreck-fashionably speaking).

Anywho, almost peed my pants...I love my life.

APKilla

Draw to yellow...

So in the last few months I have noticed that I am drawn into the color yellow. I am just growing more and more found of this color and all its many hues. Today I purchased a fake pair of ray-ban's in grey and yellow, and I bought some dishes that were yellow and grey. I know that this doesn't seem to be the rip from the headlines type of blog that you wanted to read, but in this quest to seek joy I have found that certain small simplicities get me excited and bring me joy.

Another tidbit from the day...NENE from the Nuggets was doing some shopping and I happened to notice who he was. At first I thought that he was just a real tall black man. On a second pass by I realized what I was witnessing...a Denver Nugget, big manly man, was sniffing the various lotions. It is safe to say that I was tickled pink(or yellow). It is my goal to have interesting run-ins with all the Nuggets...two down, ??? to go.

Next on the docket is to get some stuff done for Freemind(the school) and go to yoga...with hot sexypants as my instructor...that was for you Janelle.

Be bright and yellow happiness,

Ashley

Joyful Moment Today

Today I had the pleasure of babysitting for my manager(from the WPG), her daughter Finley has simply stolen the heart of many where we work. Her giggles and talking are constantly filling the spaces in which we fill with nonsense...and though we can't always understand her, what she has to offer seems more important than anything we might have to say. I think kids are often like that. Today as I battled(meaning I let Finley cry it out) to get her to sleep I was struck with enormity of motherhood and thankful to let mama take over....I get the good of Finners...mama and dada get the bad and the ugly. With that said here is my joyful moment...I, in my infinite babysitting wisdom thought it could interesting if I pretended to be asleep, maybe Finley would join in the fun. But she simply put her small hand on my knee and whispered "Ashy", to which I whispered "yeah?", slowly peeked through my eyelids and looked at that angelface to see her whisper "Hi" and then smile her toothy grin.

Ahhhhhh, good great scott, joyful moment.

So thank you AMH for sharing your daughter with me/us, she is a gem and a blessing for which I am thankful for.

((sigh)),

APKilla

Seeking Joyful Moments

When I thought writing this blog I wanted to be sure what the meaning of joy meant, so I looked joy up in the dictionary... http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/joy , please check it out.

My favorite definition was...

the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.

Great delight in something satisfying sounds like the type of year I want to have. I have tasted joy and I know that satisfaction is the most important ingredient, I say this only because it speaks of a peace and knowledge that what you are experiencing is good and complete. While I pursue passions and life this year I hope to find satisfaction in the grandiose and the simple. I want to see that I am blessed beyond my knowledge, I am loved and cared by many, and I am full of potential. Potential moments in delight, potential experiences, potential impact and potential for something exceptionally satisfying. I don't want to even imagine what these things might look like or how my world will inevitably change from this new mindset. As I sit in a semi-favorite coffeeshop( I say semi, only because people are rude here sometimes...not joyful) I get filled with the dreams of my future...starting a school, changing the world, falling in love(with some hot man with an accent or more in love with who I am), family(however that looks) and being contented with life. Altogether a joyful moment. Put that one in the books...next stop my comfy cozy apartment with some lovely things to eat and warm cuddly clothes to wear. Overuse of the word joy in this post was only to drive home the point that happiness isn't the goal...JOY is, though linked somewhat separated by our ability to be satisfied in our happiness. I hope for these types of moments for all of you!!! Get after it and share it(joy).

smiling(possibly joy, or gas, you decide)

APKILLA

It's all in the mix...

I have no idea to tell you guys right now. I have had one of the best holiday season's in a long time. It was stress free, full of fun, easy and rich. Usually the holidays stress me out because I am a product of a divorce and until recent years making the choice of where to be and when was the most obnoxious thing EVER. But c'est la vie...and it is no more. Family has mellowed out and hopefully I have to.

Soooo, what is little ole Ashley to do with her new year. Lots of things are up for grabs...I am going to be pounding the keys on my computer to find myself a job, meet with people about starting this school. Other things are set in stone...like, 30 seconds to mars concert on Jan 31, baby shower for great friend on Feb. 12, not to mention that I will be celebrating my 28th birthday on that same day with another great friend...the theme is "Pretty in Pink"(you determine what that means). Other things that I am looking into again are travelling abroad...my thoughts are South Africa, Croatia, Japan or Costa Rica(again, this time with mom and bro).

I feel sad that I haven't blogged in some time, some of the most hilarious things have happened to me over the last month...I stole a pallette from church, I drank an entire bottle of champagne(accidentally I might add), I hit on a guy on NYE(shady lady), I danced on a table(sober), lost my cell phone@ work. All of these things sound absolutely atrocious and might indicate that I am losing it, but quite the opposite is happening. I have been more motivated in the last 2 weeks than I have been in the last year...so giddy up!

What's next,

APK